Along for the Ride – The Constant Factor is You
by Robyn Schiller
Robyn is the wife of horse (and people) trainer Warwick Schiller. She invites you to join her as she journeys through her life as trainer’s wife, mother, businesswoman and Internationally competitive rider.
I was listening to the Bulletproof podcast a while ago and Dave Asprey was interviewing Esther Perel (whom I’d never heard of but have since looked up). She was talking about human relationships, but I think we would be well served to consider it for our horses TOO (what I’m suggesting is that you also consider it in the context she was talking about.)
She said:
“We all have relationship issues that we’re going to need to work on. All of us. It’s just part of human nature. The only question is going to be with whom. You don’t want to work on them in this relationship, you’re going to have to work on them in the next relationship because you’re the constant factor. At some point you’re going to have to look at yourself, my dear.”
It reminds me of a session that Warwick has done at a few of the recent expos called “The One Thing that Will Change the Relationship You Have with Your Horse”. He starts by telling everyone to take out their phone and point it at him. Then he tells them to use the button that rotates the phone to take a selfie. When everyone sees themselves on their phones he pronounces – “You. You are the 1 thing that will change the relationship with your horse.”
It’s so true. We look at the bit and change to bitless. We look at diet and give them a supplement. We look at the training we are doing and change it to the newest thing or a different trainer. We get the vet out, or the shoer, or the body worker and we get them to change things. We change disciplines or EVEN sell the horse! But, all the time, we are not looking in the mirror at the one thing that can make the biggest difference.
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t examine the things I mention above. Of course, you should be assessing the well-being of your horse constantly. But don’t forget to assess the one.constant.factor = YOU.
Just thought I’d share that ah-huh moment with you.
Thanks for reading.
Love it
Excellent advise Robyn
Great blog Robyn, there are many other areas of life this can be applied to, too.
This is so true! I’m finding it easy to be consistent with my 2 mates, who are almost exact opposites in personality. It is very hard for me to be consistent with my gelding, who is a real challenge. Getting his health issues straightened out is helping, but it occurred to me recently that a lot if not most of the problem is me! I spent yesterday doing focus work and apologizing to him for not being consistent and promising to be better. He must have liked it because he didn’t bite me!
So right! You need to take responsibility for your thoughts, actions and emotions, and by understanding where you are coming from, you get where you are going.
I was just watching a movie trailer from Elaine Heney (of Listening to the Horse). The trailer featured Australian horseman, Steve Halfpenny, and I copied his quote from the trailer. He said, “you know as I spend my time helping people with their horses and listening to the things they have to say, one thing that always sticks in the back of my mind is I wonder if they have any idea what is possible with the horse they already own.”
Thanks Robyn!
Great read and reminder! Our mood, our demands are often looking right back at us- as they say, the horse is a mirror.
Great reminder (for horse and non-horse relationships alike) 😉
ME??? I am the thing that needs to change?? I am so looking forward to discovering all the changes I will be making with my new horse. I am excited to see how I learn to really listen to him and help him by embracing the changes and improvements I will need to make. Thank you, Robyn, for reminding me to look at myself first.